It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
