If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
