I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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