I wanna bring you to show and tell
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
