U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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