Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
