i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
