oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize