My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Randomize
