Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
