Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
