I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
