im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
