You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
