Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
