haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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