stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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