just come out here and I will go home with you...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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