Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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