I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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