Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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