so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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