he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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