Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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