im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Two words: blizzard sex
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
