New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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