i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
