I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
