I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
