My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
