If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
