dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
