bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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