I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
being pregnant is like rehab
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
