Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
