well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i dont even know how to be here
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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