I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize