the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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