I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
