well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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