Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
