We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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