Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
