Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
