that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
