I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
