Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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