Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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