we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
