1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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