well I can't set my house on fire every night
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize