Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
