you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
