I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
