she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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