Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
