Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
