this boner is exhausting
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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