I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
