I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You pole danced in your parka.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
