I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I party with great urgency now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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