Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Less talking, more tequila
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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