I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
