The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
