Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
