you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
