i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
