You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
