I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
