The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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