If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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