Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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