and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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