i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
