i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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