So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize