she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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