Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
