Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
