Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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