He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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