Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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