Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
