No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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