I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
are you so shy because you have an std?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
