i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
