i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
