dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
