i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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