plz talk dirty to me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
